Like a Strike of Lightning
by muggleborn.dragon.ryder
Summary: 'I have just one thing to tell you: IT WASN'T ME.It wasn't me who pulled the trigger. It wasn't me. Even if all the authorities think it is, it wasn't me. I swear to you, it wasn't me. Just hear me out.' Hiccup had thought life was just about surviving...but maybe it's not. Modern AU. Some OCs. From Hiccup's POV.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Please try to be kind, this fanfic is kind of my baby...I've had it sitting around for months, found it, and decided to work on it again. And by 'months' I mean, I think it might have been before Halloween...But I found it and I thought, huh. This fanfic isn't SO bad. So I decided to post it, :-)**

* * *

I have just one thing to tell you: IT WASN'T ME.

It wasn't me that night, it wasn't me in that alley.

I had to be there, I had to be there for my job, because my dad's too drunk to think straight half the time and my mom died a three years ago, so I have to support us.

It wasn't me in that alley who pulled the trigger. It wasn't me.

Even if all the authorities think it is, it wasn't me. I swear to you, it wasn't me. Just hear me out.

* * *

Of course Dad would think of skipping town.

"I'm not watching my boy get thrown behind bars," he insisted. "Either you're coming or staying."

I sighed, because every argument with my father leads nowhere. "Dad…"

"You haven't got a choice," Dad said. "You're on the run from the law, Hiccup! There was no one else in that alley but you! Everything looks very suspicious from an outsider's standpoint—

"But you believe me, don't you?" I broke in.

Dad wouldn't meet my eyes. "Of course."

I stared at him, disbelief etched all over my face. Dad had always been a good liar, but this was one thing he simply could not fake: Unwavering loyalty towards his son.

I groaned and said, "Listen, Dad, they DON'T HAVE ANY EVIDENCE. It wasn't me, and they can't prove otherwise!"

"What were you doing with a dead body?"

"IT WASN'T ME!"

That's the line I've been repeating for the past few weeks; nobody but me, the killer, the victim and…the other one know what REALLY happened that night.

The victim had been permanently silenced, the killer had probably skipped town and was way ahead of us by now.

Everybody took my account of what happened with a grain of salt and…the…other one wouldn't - can't - defend me. Wouldn't, anyway. I must've imagined the other one.

No one knows where he went.

Why should he stick around?

My dad decided to skip town and I decided to go with him.

When we reached our destination, (Bethune, South Carolina) I merely glanced at the sign in surprise. "Bethune? It only has 300 people." **(I actually did the research and it's true - Bethune only DOES have 300 people.)**

"I know." Dad cut the engine. "I figured you'd be safer here. The police will have trouble finding you—

"It wasn't me."

"I know that."

"No, you don't."

"Hiccup, do we really need to have this conversation right this instant?"

There was a silence.

I stared resentfully down at my sneakers. "No."

Dad relaxed his white-knuckled grip on the wheel. "Good."

He said quietly, "We'll be staying in a hotel for a few nights, Hiccup. At least until we can…get back on our feet."

I sighed and stared out the window. I couldn't deny the place was beautiful. It had a forest I'd love to explore on the weekends, but…I didn't like the reason I'd had to come here.

So maybe the evidence _did _point fingers to me. So what? Piss off.

It wasn't me.

* * *

A few weeks later, Dad finished unloading the last box off the moving van. "That's that, then."

Dad turned to me. "Now…for the unpacking of the boxes."

I sighed. But it was a task that had to be done.

So we began it with no eagerness but eventually, I got into it and stopped worrying.

My hands and mind were busy. I was busy.

"Tomorrow, you're going to school," Dad announced, coming into my bedroom and setting down a box marked, 'Hiccup's books'.

I sighed. "Do I have to?"

"What, you expect me to homeschool you? No thanks. You're going to the public school whether you like it or not."

I wanted to tell him I didn't like it, because kids have bullied me for years.

But my dad never knew that. I braved the harassment alone in elementary and middle school.

So I rolled my eyes. "Whatever."

"Hiccup—

"No, Dad! Just whatever!"

There was a silence, then he left the room.

Silence was our constant companion.

Dad and I, we never REALLY talked.

Silence meant words left unspoken, it meant hurt and happiness and lies and pain, all the things we never, ever said to one another but the things we wanted to.

Silence spoke for us.

I hesitated as Dad moved out of the bedroom, wondering if I was going to speak for myself instead.

But then he reached the door and eased it open, sidling out and I heard him bustling around downstairs.

My chance was lost.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Ok...random junk. A little filler. Some profanity. Thank you EquinoxKnight01 for leaving a review on my story! (If you're still wondering how Hiccup's gonna turn out...it's bitter loner. Always bitter loner, haha :P)**

* * *

The next day, I went to school.

I felt people staring, their gazes curious, not hostile.

I didn't care. I didn't care if they looked.

I didn't give a damn if they craned their necks looking at me. Let them.

They wouldn't see anything but what lies on the surface. And whatever lies on the surface were always the best parts of me.

Then again, maybe I don't have any best parts. Maybe I don't have any good parts, period.

Hell if I cared.

I never tried to communicate with the people at school and, in turn, they ignored me. Some even went as far as to bully me.

I won't tell you that secretly, it hurts, because it doesn't.

It's the way it's always been.

No, I don't put on a tough exterior so you won't see my gooey interior. I don't HAVE a gooey interior.

My dad always told me what a smart-ass I was.

Hell if I cared.

This girl named Astrid introduced herself to me right before a class with her.

"Hi, I'm Astrid Hofferson," she grinned, holding out her hand.

I stared at her hand pointedly until she withdrew it.

She nervously cleared her throat. "Are you new here?"

"Well, let's think. Have you seen me here before?" Like I said, smart aleck.

That's how I survive, I think. That's how I make it through. You get those walls up before you let somebody in and everything's okay.

You keep your guard up all the time and keep your head down, blend into the background, the floor's tiles and the whitewashed walls and you're okay.

Anyway, back to the girl. Astrid flushed. I smirked a little.

Completely new to my sarcastic ways.

She crossed her arms and stared at me.

"Need something?" I demanded. "Because if you don't, I'd like to take my seat."

"What's your name?" she tried next.

"Try Hiccup," I suggested snidely. "That's what everyone else calls me."

Her blue eyes lingered over me for half a second longer than necessary.

"I was just trying to be nice," she said softly. "I wasn't trying to do anything horrible and rude like breathe your air."

Her voice was so obviously sarcastic that she actually made me feel a little shameful for a second.

I opened my mouth to apologize, then quickly reminded myself to keep my walls up.

So I just sat down at my desk and waited for the teacher.

When the teacher arrived and class started, I idly doodled on the cover of my notebook.

When it was time for lunch, I opened a book and read while I ate.

I saw Astrid coming for me at one point and quickly pretended not to see her.

"Here," she said quickly, handing me a festive red and green leaflet without ever glancing at me.

Suddenly overcome with an annoying attack of conscience, I stopped her before she could move on to the next table. "Wait. I'm sorry I was so rude to you in class."

She paused for half a second longer. "Hiccup…"

I sensed her getting closer, sensed her about to discover my secret. I leaned away. "Astrid?"

She just stared at me, but it was strange. It was like she was seeing right through me, past everything I ever pretended to be, past who I was pretending to be, past my walls and to the scariest part of my personality: Who I really am.

She was seeing beneath the sarcasm and cruelty and she was seeing me.

Deciding she'd gotten a good enough look inside me, I moved away. "Need something?"  
And it was just like we're back in class again. She turned away. "Of course not."

She moved on, handing out flyers and I took the chance to glance at mine.

ANNOUNCING THE HOLIDAY DANCE!I smiled and kind of shook my head. This school was really reaching. Time: 7:30-10:00

Date: Friday, December 14

That was almost four weeks away, I noted without any real interest.

I hated dances, and I'd already proved back in middle school that I was horrible at dancing.

That could have been why one of the girls laughed at me. It was kind of a cruel laugh.

Or maybe it was because-

_No, _my brain commanded me. _No, Hiccup. It's a fresh start. You don't have to be bullied here, you know. You can have friends._

The idea of me having friends was laughable, of course.

No one wanted to be my friend, and, more to the point, I didn't want them to be.

Because, at the end of the day, the only person who really cares about me at all was…well, no one.

I was going to say 'me' but then I realized…I really DON'T care.

Even I wouldn't cry if I died.

Even I wouldn't mourn.

How_ pathetic_ is that?


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Okay...this chapter is basically to show what a jerk Snotlout is. I didn't intend to make him be, I swear, LOL. Chapter 4 is already written, but there's still some polishing up I need to do. It's pretty rough right now. I have A LOT of chapters on 'Lie to Me' stocked up already because I plunged right on in after finishing 'Save Me' so I can focus on this one. There is probably gonna be like, NO HICSTRID in this story. If you could know the plans I have, you'd understand why, but...they won't work together here. Most of my stories that are centered on those two (and Toothless!) are Hicstrid, so...just felt like warning you if you're looking for fluff.**

* * *

I went through the motions of the school day, and ended up meeting who was going to be my new tormentors here: A boy named Snotlout and two twins, a boy and a girl, named Ruffnut and Tuffnut.

Weird names, I noted to myself. Then I reminded myself that names don't get much weirder than 'Hiccup'.

I sighed as I walked out of the school and then remembered the forest.

I thought about all the boxes at home, and how much I'd have to unpack.

With a sigh, I went home instead, ignoring the way the forest seemed to want me there.

The first time anyone or anything has ever wanted me, and it's just in my head.

When I got home, Dad was there, clearing a path from the front door to the kitchen.

I made my way over to the stairs, sidestepping boxes as I did so.

Dad looked up at me, and I stopped on the landing. "Need something?" It didn't come out snide and aggressive, the way it had today with Astrid.

Dad shook his head slowly, his face tight with grief.

I continued on up the stairs, hating myself for wishing that he did have something to say and really, actually wanted to talk to me.

But when you've been disappointed so often, it's hard for you to be a complete marshmallow on the inside.

Bitterness and hardness is all you have left, so you fall back on that.

And that's what I did.

* * *

I ended up unpacking a good chunk of the boxes and, when I was finished, I fell back onto my bed, thinking over the day: Dad, Astrid, Snotlout, the twins…

I slid off my bed with a groan and got in the shower.

When I was finished, I crawled under the covers of my bed and fell asleep quickly, which was surprising for me when I opened my eyes again to find the sun just starting to rise.

Normally, it takes me ages to fall asleep.

And I had been expecting horrible nightmares.

I went to school and, when I got into my first class of the day, I saw Astrid there.

"And you'll never believe this," she gabbled excitedly to Snotlout, "but I heard a rumor that there is a dragon in the forest! Two hikers in the forest? They were never seen again!"

Snotlout chuckled lightly. "Don't put too much faith in gossip, Astrid."

I took a seat a few feet away and watched them lock lips. Ugh. What a way to start off MY day.

It made me feel like I needed to take another shower.

When the teacher came in, Astrid and Snotlout broke apart long enough to find seats.

Astrid waved to me when she sat down and mouthed, "Hey."

I gave her a half-hearted wave back, but for the most part, I just kind of stared at the teacher.

When class was over, I grabbed up my books and was out the door within seconds.

"Hiccup," Astrid stopped me just outside the classroom. "What's wrong?"

I glared at her, one eyebrow raised. "What do you care? I'm not your friend!" My voice came out harsh and defensive.

She drew back. "I was only trying to be nice."

Then she added quietly, "I wasn't trying to do anything horribly offensive, like breathe your air."

Suddenly, I laughed. Just a little, but it was enough. I turned back to her. "You know what? I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm so rude all the time…I'm just—

"Really defensive," Astrid finished before I could. "And I'm guessing you've been hurt really deeply before, which is why you're careful to never let anyone in. Am I right?"

I took a step back. "Leave me alone. Ok? Just leave me alone."

I started to turn, but suddenly, I was yanked from behind. "Were you just rude to my girl?"

I glared into Snotlout's hated face. "She is not 'your girl'!"

"What, you hittin' on her?"

"I've got better things to do with my time," I told him snidely. "Now let me go!"

He had me pinned up against a row of lockers and I wasn't strong enough to fight past him on my own.

He curled one hand into a fist and sent it at my nose.

I felt my nose break; blood ran from both nostrils and dripped steadily onto my jacket sleeve, which I hastily brought up to wipe away the blood.

"I don't like the way you talk, buddy," Snotlout sneered. "So, you want to tango? LET'S TANGO!"

People started gathering to watch the new guy get his butt kicked.

I just pressed myself against the cold metal of the lockers and prayed that he wouldn't. I would have my hands full already explaining a broken nose to my father, but a whole messed-up face will be a little harder. I'm a good liar, though. I could pull it off.

Not to mention if my father knew I was being bullied…

He'd probably think it was my fault and tell me to man up and stop whining.

I sighed and stared straight at Snotlout. "Dude, c'mon, I wasn't doing anything!"

"So you deny trying to get with my girl?"

I glared at him, hatred welling up inside me. "I wasn't ever trying to 'get with your girl'. God!"

Anger started fueling me. "Don't be pathetic. Just let me go."

"Did you just call me pathetic?" Snotlout sneered. He tore me away from the row of lockers and shoved me onto the floor. I hit the ground painfully, the last of my breath leaving me from the impact.

Kids started snickering; only a few here and there, but nobody spoke. My vision blurred, to my horror.

I was scared I was going to start crying and forever be labeled a wimp. I tried to force myself to get up, until I heard a voice. "You ARE being pathetic!"

Looking up, I saw Astrid, her hands on her hips, her hair streaming down her back like a golden waterfall.

My vision was blurry, but I was certain it was her.

"Leave him alone, Snotlout! He hasn't done anything to you!"

I was still kind of in shock about the whole 'Astrid-standing-up-for-me' thing, so I just kind of stared instead of getting up and shaking it off like a man.

Snotlout drew back. "Whoa, babe! I was just trying to protect you from a pervert!"

I felt my mouth actually drop open at those words.

Astrid slapped Snotlout across the face. "Shut up, you jerk!"

Just an hour ago, they had been making out in the back of the classroom.

Now she was smacking him. I tried not to look too happy about this.

Then she turned to me and held out her hand.

Kids stared.

I hesitated.

Then I reached up and took her hand.

She pulled me off the floor and to my feet.

"Astrid—

She glared at Snotlout. "Clean up your act, you jerk!"

She grabbed me by the hand and dragged me to the water fountain down the hall.

Without blinking, she stripped off her shirt, revealing a white tank top underneath.

She wet her over shirt under the water fountain and pressed it to my nose.

Then she rolled her eyes. "I'm really sorry about him."

I nodded. "It's fine."

That kind of thing happened all the time. Most of the time, it didn't sting. But something about being surrounded by jeering, mocking kids made me want to scream.

I glanced at Astrid as she busied herself helping me with my broken nose.

"Thank you." I whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: This one is pretty short. It took a while to write, though, so I hope you guys like it :-) Hiccup meets Toothless for the first time here, of course, so...drinks all around! :D Except for, not for them, LOL. Because...well, you'll find out later, LOL. **

* * *

When I entered my house, Dad glanced up from the boxes for a second. "Hey, Hiccup, can you—?" He broke off suddenly. "What happened to your nose?"

"Nothing," I said quickly, pressing a hand to my broken nose and going for the stairs.

I reached the landing as I heard him say, "So I suppose your nose just broke itself?"

I slammed my bedroom door and locked it.

Suddenly, I heard a tentative knock. "Hiccup?"

I didn't reply.

There was silence for awhile, at least until Dad said, "So, how bad does the other guy look?"

"What?" I asked uncertainly, turning to face the door.

"I'm assuming you were a smart-ass again and got a broken nose for your trouble. So who is it and how bad does he look?"

I shook my head. "No, I didn't hit him."

Dad was silent.

After a few minutes of silence, I heard the landing floor creak as he went away.

I crawled onto my bed. Of course I hadn't hit him back. I knew Dad would have something to say about that, but I was grateful that he'd kept his mouth shut just this once.

He would never know what it had been like today in the hall, why I didn't take a swing at Snotlout.

I bit my lip, then looked out my window and received a shock.

Out of the trees and up into the gray sky, a black speck soared. Suddenly, I heard Astrid's voice in my head today. _"They say there are dragons in the forest!"_

What was that thing?

* * *

I went out of the house, notebook in hand, lest I find nothing and just decided to stay and write for awhile.

I reached a small clearing, almost completely hidden by boulders.

And in it, I saw an enormous shape. An ENORMOUS one.

I gasped as I saw it, shuddering slightly as I saw the mouth open, the pink tongue run across the horrible mouth with no visible lips, the teeth long and thick and deadly, the talons even more so.

My first instinct was to run. Of course. My second was to hide.

I didn't have a third, but something inside of me made me approach the…thing.

I still refused to believe it was a dragon, even with its thick black tail and leathery, lightly veined wings.

I approached it carefully, trying to figure out what it was.

The green eyes locked on me, and it inched forward.

"What are you?" I breathed, my lips barely moving. "What are you? You look like a dragon, but…you can't be, those only exist in stories and fantasy."

There was a silence as the dragon and I regarded each other. Yes, I could no longer pretend that it wasn't a dragon.

How, I did not know, but something made me certain.

The dragon regarded me curiously, an unreadable expression in his intelligent green eyes.

And I knew. I knew exactly who he was.

I have cried a handful of times in my life, and I remembered now crying as I regarded him through tear-filled eyes, his betrayal running deep even if I didn't know him.

His mouth gaped open wide, and I saw, where teeth had once been, bright pink gums and a lolling pink tongue.

I just stared. "Well, hello, toothless."

I looked at him. "You flew away, you know," I told him quietly. "You flew away and you didn't have to. You didn't have to give up your home. You could've killed them all. I know it." And somehow I did.

The toothless dragon stared at me.

Suddenly feeling stupid for talking to a dragon, I whispered, "Don't you recognize me? You have to, you have to know me."

There was some recognition in those green eyes.

I tried to compose myself. "I'm sorry."

I turned and walked away.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: In a lot of respects, this chapter is completely useless, as is the next one. It doesn't add anything to the story and it doesn't explain anything about what happened to Hiccup the night he was accused of murder. It doesn't leave a lasting impression; the only thing it does is introduce Gobber, who is forever out of the story after this (most likely) and give Hiccup a good chance to have some angst with Snotlout. I won't be offended if you skip this installment altogether. Also, I mention church in this chapter, and Hiccup goes inside the church a few times, but my story does not become religious. I try to keep religion out of my stories as much as possible, except when they're like, 'for Odin's sake!' or something, because that's not really religion, that's just an expression.**

* * *

As I was leaving school the next day, I saw a man staggering out of a church, kids yelling after him.

"Don't leave!" one little girl pouted.

The man chuckled. "C'mon. I'll be back tomorrow."

I recognized the man: he was an old friend of my father's.

I ran right up to him. "Gobber!"

Gobber whipped around then spied me. "Hiccup! Still scrawny as ever!"

I grinned. "Hey, shut up."

"What do you even eat to stay so skinny?" Gobber teased. He's been on me about how scrawny I am since day one. Now, I can laugh about it. It's kind an old joke between us.

"I will have you know I gained over thirty pounds since you last saw me," I declared.

He rolled his eyes. "Big accomplishment, considering the last time I saw you, you were ten."

I grinned. "I will take my accomplishments where I can get them, thank you."

Then I glanced back at the church, with its steeple gleaming silver in the afternoon sunlight and the stained-glass windows.

I looked back at him. "So…hanging out with three-year-olds. Not your best idea."

He cocked an eyebrow. "You'd fit right in. You're small enough."

I shrugged. Then I added, "Seriously, why?"

"It keeps— He was cut off by the loud ringing of his phone. He yanked it out of his pocket and held it to his ear. "Yeah?"

His face dropped. "What? But you said…"

The voice on the other end crackled something about 'urgency' and Gobber's mouth tightened. "Yes. Yes, I understand. I can be there."

"Ugh," he sighed, slipping his phone back into his pocket.

"What's up?" I asked him as he looked back up at me.

"I'll be saying goodbye to your three-year-old pals soon," he told me. "It's nothing."

I raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

Gobber shook his head. "Boss wants me to go on a business trip. I love the kids, but I'm doing volunteer work. If I leave, somebody else will get the job. I only took it because I like kids, but my real work pays the bills."

I felt genuinely sorry that Gobber was going to have to say goodbye to the kids, so what came out of my mouth was pure insanity: "What if someone filled in for you?"

Gobber looked up in surprise. "You'd do that?"

"Well, I don't know if I exactly meant _me_—"But under Gobber's piercing gaze I faltered and nodded.

He looked overjoyed. "Really?"

"Yeah," I told him. "Of course."

He smiled. "Thank you, Hiccup. If that's not asking too much of you…"

"Nah, of course not," I assured him. "When should I be there tomorrow?"

* * *

Gobber arranged plans with me and we said goodbye on the street corner.

I turned and headed into my neighborhood and saw a group of rowdy people.

I recognized Snotlout's dark-haired head and the twins. Snotlout's bulk had made it appear to be more than three people in the fading light.

Trying not to be noticed by them, I slowed my pace and clutched my notebook very tightly.

Suddenly, they all lowered their voices to whispers and Snotlout glanced back at me.

"So," he said, cracking his knuckles, "no Astrid around to protect you now, is there?"

I will say this for myself: I am not a coward.

So I looked right up at him. "Nope!"

He seemed taken aback by my directness. "Want to spend some time where you belong?" he hissed. "In the _gutter?"_

The twins chuckled and the boy said, "Good one, Snotlout."

I rolled my eyes. "I really don't have time for this."

Snotlout rolled up his sleeves, revealing arms thicker than my entire body.

"Well, we'll hurry up then, won't we?"

The twins launched themselves at me and held me down as Snotlout rested a sneaker on my chest. "Nobody, but nobody, sasses Snotlout!"

"Get off me!" I complained. "Dude, I can't breathe!"

I guess I expected Snotlout to back off. Instead, he raised his foot and kicked me, hard, in the ribs.

The impact took my breath away and for a second, all I did was lie there.

Then he leaned really close so I could smell the sugary gum he was chewing. "Do you want a piece of me?"

"I want you to switch to Stride," I muttered.

He jerked me up. "What?!"

"Leave me alone!" I said, deciding, upon reflection, that angering Snotlout was not the best idea right now.

Snotlout hissed a stream of profanities under his breath. When he'd finally regained control, he said, "Do you want a piece of me?"

"I want you to find a new victim!" I told him. "Dude, I ain't your own personal punching bag!"

See? I'm not a coward. I was quite capable of standing up for myself.

He decked me and I felt blood running down from my mouth, onto my chin.

I hissed in pain and dabbed at the blood with my sleeve quickly and saw Snotlout smirking at me. "That'll teach you," he declared, satisfied.

Now that he had "taught me" it seemed, he was satisfied enough to walk away and leave me blotting at the blood on my mouth.

I believe I have just earned a new enemy. But then I remember Astrid today and remind myself that I have also, maybe possibly, gained someone who doesn't completely hate me.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Unrealistic? Check. Angst? Check! Drama? Check and double check! Yeah, this must be MY story LOL ;-) Thank you reviewers! I keep forgetting to thank you! :P Also, I don't remember anyone who reviewed me :P At the most crucial moment, I remember nothing.**

* * *

The next day, I was just about to leave school when Astrid tapped me on the shoulder. "Walk me home?"

I looked at her regretfully. "I can't."

"Aww," she sighed. "That's too bad. I wanted to get to know the new kid better."

I shrugged. "Eh, save your pity for the loser that REALLY needs it."

"It's not pity," she said.

I glanced at her, raising an eyebrow. "So, this funny, smart, incredibly attractive girl honestly WANTS the biggest dork in school, who was just laughed at by all the kids the other day, to walk her home?" And then, to my embarrassment, I realized what I just said.

Astrid smiled, but her eyes revealed that she was a little apprehensive. "So I'm incredibly attractive?"

I bit my lip. "Listen, I wasn't—

"Hey," she said quietly, grabbing my hand, "it doesn't bother me, Hiccup."

"Bothers your boyfriend, though," I said bitterly, rolling my eyes and thinking of Snotlout.

She chuckled then added quietly, "But…he's not my boyfriend anymore."

My eyebrows flew up, and, at the risk of sounding like a gossiping old lady, I asked, "Really? Why?"

She sighed. "If someone could be that mean to you, someone they don't even know…how mean could they be to the people they DO know?"

"WHAT?" The shout popped out of my mouth before my brain even registered rage, before I even fully understood what she was talking about.

"I'm going to KILL him," I said furiously.

Astrid was murmuring something about, "Hiccup, seriously, it's all taken care of!"

I stomped away, in search of Snotlout, who was just walking out with the twins, his ever-present shadows.

I grabbed onto his shoulder. "You're a real ass, you know that?"

Snotlout glanced at me. "Did you just—

"Save it," I told him with a snarl. "You hurt Astrid?"

"What?"

"Did you hurt her?"

"I have no idea—

"DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT HIT HER AFTER SHE YELLED AT YOU IN THE HALL YESTERDAY YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING?!"

Kids were starting to stare, but I ignored them.

Let them stare.

Snotlout jerked away. "Calm down, dude, you're really overreacting…"

I reared my fist back and plunged it into his stomach.

To my surprise, he drew a sharp breath and doubled over.

An overweight boy hovered at the fringes of the crowd muttering nervously, "Guys? Guys, there might be teachers…"

"Mr. Haddock!" snapped a crisp voice.

Looking up, I saw the principal, Mrs. Harris staring at me, gray eyes flashing.

"Yes?" I demanded of her, suddenly realizing how all this looked.

She glared. "I will not condone this kind of behavior! You are suspended!"

"What?" I gasped. "But—

"Fighting is prohibited on school grounds!" she snapped. "A week's suspension." **(I've never been suspended before, so I don't know the protocol.)**

"Fine," I said. Turning to Snotlout, I added, "But you leave Astrid alone or I…I hurt you." My threat wasn't nearly as good as one would've hoped, but it was the best I could do with Mrs. Harris glaring down at me.

Astrid tagged along after me. There was complete silence at first as I turned to go into the church and suddenly, she burst out laughing.

"What?" I demanded.

"Snotlout's face…" she burst into another peal of laughter. "No one has 'dared challenge him' like that since…. Like, ever!" She threw her head back and laughed, her golden hair catching the sunlight.

I chuckled nervously. "I couldn't let him hurt you."

She stared up at me, her blue eyes shining. "Thank you."

I eased the church door open and here she left me.

I walked up to the welcome desk. "Hey, um, I heard there was a day care center that I'm working at?"

The woman checked her sheet. "Gobber Deen is supposed to be here."

"I'm filling in for him," I explained quickly. "He's been called away on a business trip, and, to avoid him getting replaced, I volunteered to fill in until he's back."

"Oh," she replied, "that fits, then."

The woman led me down a long hallway, until at last, we reached an empty room.

"Well, the kids will be here soon."

I nodded and smiled, trying not to grimace. I'd never been great with babies.

I quickly found out that my main job was to keep the children quiet during the service.

When they started filing in in twos and threes, I smiled and tried not to look too miserable. Oh gosh, I was going to fall flat on my face.

The kids all stared expectantly up until a boy of maybe six asked, "So where's Gobber?"

I hesitated. "Uh, he couldn't be here today, he's gone away for his job."

"So why'd we get you?" The boy demanded.

"I want Gobber," sniffed a four-year-old girl.

I sighed. "I'm filling in for Gobber, he'll be back soon."

Then I said brightly, "Who wants to hear a story?" Shut up. It was the best I could do.

One girl nodded happily. "Gobber NEVER tells us stories!"

I smiled. "Well, I'll change that." If the church knew the police back in New York thought me a murderer, they probably wouldn't have let me through the door.

So I picked the first idea that came into my head and ran with it.

"Once upon a time," I began, hoping this would keep the kids satisfied, "there was a boy named Daniel." Ok, so I was making it up as I went along. Having a father like mine had deprived me of hearing the traditional bedtime stories when I was younger.

"But he was lonely and had no friends and everyone thought he was stupid and useless, so they hated him."

I swallowed and wondered if I was telling this story about Daniel or about myself.

"And one day, he met a dragon!"

A little boy gasped.

I continued. "And when he saw the dragon, he was scared at first."

"Does Daniel kill the dragon?" Asked a boy. "Does he make friends by killing it?"

"No," I replied. "You see, had he killed that dragon, he would have been a monster, too. Because you should only kill when there's a point to it."

There was complete silence as I talked. "And so, instead, Daniel befriended the dragon."

"What did he call the dragon?" A girl in the front row asked.

I hesitated. "Toothless. He called the dragon Toothless."

Then I said, "And once he showed people killing without reason was wrong, they began liking him. As a matter of fact, a beautiful girl named Astrid even noticed him! And then he was never lonely again, because he had Toothless."

There was a lengthy pause and I coughed. "The end." It was the worst story I had ever told or come up with, but these were kids! Who cared how lame it was when you were five?

The kids glanced at one another.

"That was a good story!" A boy declared.

Anyway, now that the children knew I was capable of telling stories, they all began talking at once, giving their opinions on the story.

"Whoa, whoa, guys," I said quickly. "Let's keep the noise level to a minimum, shall we?"

Some of the older kids chuckled, and they all agreed.

"Tell us another story," commanded a little blonde girl in the front row.

I smiled. "Ok, gosh, give me a second. Um, has anyone heard the story of..."

Suddenly inspired, I asked, "Have any of you heard the chilling tales of the pirate, Grimbeard the Ghastly?"

"NO!" Shouted several of the more excitable kids.

I held out my hand for quiet. "Well, he was the best pirate there ever was. No kid REALLY slept easy knowing he roamed the seas."

The kids were eerily quiet.

As I spoke, I noticed flickers of uncertainty in some faces. "And he left behind an old treasure chest, filled with gold!"

All the kids went very still and quiet.

"It's booby-trapped in the deadliest ways possible. And to this day, no one has EVER found it."

There was a dramatic silence, and I sincerely hoped the kids weren't buying into this stuff too much.

"I wonder where the treasure is!" One of the boys said excitedly.

I chuckled. "Well, no one has ever found the treasure, so most likely, no one ever will."

"Take us to the treasure!" Begged the boy.

I chuckled again. "I don't even know where it is!" Suddenly I realized I hadn't smiled this much since moving to Bethune.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Ok...chunks of this = useless. Interesting, but useless.**

**And the other chunks = important. Thanks for reviewing my story, guyzzzz!**

* * *

I left the church with the kids pleadingly calling after me, "Take us to the treasure!"

"I don't even know where it is!" I called back. I'd truly enjoyed that, though, being with the kids.

The woman at the desk stared at me curiously.

I hastily told her, "They're just referring to a story I told them."

* * *

When I got home, Dad said, "You got suspended?!" I could smell the alcohol on him and knew I was in for it.

"I hit the kid who broke my nose," I pointed out reasonably.

He shoved me up against the wall. "YOU GOT SUSPENDED?!"

"Yes," I said quietly, because, God help me, he was genuinely frightening whenever he got drunk.

He balled his hand into a fist and punched me, hard, in the jaw.

I stayed completely motionless as waves of pain rolled through me and as he said, "That'll teach you."

I stayed still.

He shoved me onto the ground and said quietly, "That'll teach you."

I stayed on the ground, remembering when Snotlout had broken my nose and shoved me, too, in much the same way.

But this time, my vision didn't blur.

This time, I dragged myself to a standing position without Astrid's help and I walked past my father, towards the stairs, my head bent down, and my eyes on the ugly burgundy carpet.

After being in my bedroom for awhile, my jaw still stinging, I decided to go into the forest.

"What was I thinking?" I demanded of myself as I walked. "Telling those kids a story about a dragon?"

I really felt stupid about that.

I'd been thinking of the dragon here, and yes, Daniel did remind me of myself with the whole friendless thing, but the point was, there was no happy ending for my story.

There was no making friends with a dragon, there was no Astrid falling in love with me, there was no happiness.

My life was not supposed to be a life. I was born to be an accident, I was born to fail in everything I did.

I knew this. I just wished I didn't have to be such a huge mistake.

If I was so small, why did the mistake of me have to be so BIG?

When I reached the clearing, I stopped. There was no dragon here of course.

"Where is that thing?" I demanded loudly of the whistling wind, the bare trees and the birds crying overhead.

Suddenly, a black speck appeared in the sky, going down, down, down…

I knew it was going to land here.

I threw myself backward just in time and the dragon landed reasonably smoothly on the mossy ground.

I sat up and smiled, the wind ruffling my dark red hair. "Well, hi. Fine greeting, toothless."

And then I mentally slapped myself. God, giving this dragon a nickname!

My anger faded as quickly as it had come as the dragon raised his dark head and memories began washing over me…

_Those piercing green eyes were locked on mine, the distance between us impossibly vast…_

_The gun's cold barrel pressed into my temple, the scent of whiskey so obvious on his breath…_

_The red and blue lights flashed, the siren wailed…_

_Her gleaming blonde hair, her sparkling blue eyes, her clothes soaked in blood…_

_She gave me a shove that sent me sprawling into someone's gutter and I picked myself up hastily, wiping off the dirt that clung to my arms, which had broken my fall…_

"No," I whispered. "I won't…I won't think about that, Toothless."

The dragon's glare was accusing. I could hear his thoughts as clearly as if he had spoken them aloud, _Did you kill her?_

"No," I whispered again, my voice constricted my breath shallow and uneven. "You saw him shoot her, you knew there was nothing I could do—

I was only making excuses for myself. I was not giving this toothless dragon an explanation.

"I know you were there," I whispered again. "I know you were there, in that alley, and I know you saw him shoot her."

Silence.

I knew I hadn't imagined the other one in that alley. I knew there had been a black dragon there.

Finally, I took a step closer. "I'm not going to hurt you."

The dragon did not move away, though his distrust must have been screaming at him right then.

I swallowed. "If you really are a dragon…I'm not gonna hurt you, Toothless."

There was a long silence.

Finally, I sat down across from him, folded my knees, Indian style and propped my chin in my hands, staring at him.

Toothless inched closer.

I held out my hand.

He did not move any closer.

I put my hand down.

He inched a little closer again.

I swallowed.

He stared at me like I was crazy.

Which, maybe I was.

But I did it anyway. I held out my hand and dropped my head.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Toothless and Hiccup become friends! :-)**

* * *

It was the most wonderful feeling in the world when his cool, scaly nose pressed against my hand. I'd never thought dragons existed and suddenly I wondered how many more there were out there. What if there was a whole nest? My mind wandered after Toothless pulled away from my touch.

He blinked his large green eyes at me, spread his wings, and shot back up into the sky.

I entered the clearing, the sunlight falling softly on the green grass. "Toothless?"

Almost instantly, the dragon came out of the sky.

"Why haven't you left, anyway?" I whispered.

Toothless' ears perked up.

"No!" I chuckled. "Of COURSE I don't want you to leave, Toothless! I'm just curious as to why you haven't."

He looked pointedly at me and I tilted my head to the side, uncomprehending. "You're staying in the area because of me? But…I thought dragons hated humans, I—

Toothless rolled his eyes and I could almost hear him saying, _You read too many fantasy books. Dragons are actually pretty trusting. It gets us killed sometimes. That was why I didn't approach you too quickly at first._

I smiled in spite of myself. "Sorry. Just curious."

Toothless folded his wings tightly about his body.

I said quietly, "Toothless?"

His ears perked up again and he focused those intelligent green dragon eyes on me.

"What is it like?" I whispered hesitantly. "To fly?"

Toothless looked at me for a second, head tilted to one side. Then he lowered his head. The meaning couldn't have been clearer. _Climb on and see._

I hesitated. "Wha…Toothless, are you sure?"

He gave me a look.

I hesitantly climbed onto his back, everything in me a little ball of nervousness. "Um…go?"

He tilted his head to look back at me and gave me a toothless smile.

I smiled a little, realizing how timid I'd sounded and knowing he was mocking me for that.

I said, "Dude, you're not a horse. What am I supposed to say?"

He turned back around, spread his wings with a sweeping movement and took off into the sky.

The wind smacked my face, whipped my hair back from my face, and I clung onto Toothless' neck as tightly as I could.

I was scared and breathless and…laughing?

I never thought I'd say this, but I was riding a dragon.

Not only was I riding a dragon, I was completely unafraid of falling to my death.

Not only that, I was also laughing hysterically, like somebody had spiked my drink.

When we landed at last, the air felt too still and warm for a few minutes.

Toothless and I regarded each other. "Oh, that was…" I said quietly, but there were no words to describe it.

I was windswept and breathless but I was laughing as I skipped home. Skipped.

I have never skipped before in my life.

I have walked and slouched and shuffled, but I have never once skipped.

Which just goes to show how strange I was feeling.

Riding a dragon gives you a sort of high, I found out that day.

* * *

As the days of my suspension slipped by, Toothless let me fly on him more and more often.

Eventually, I came home, slipped out of my jacket and heard a knock on my door.

Astrid stood there, golden hair shining in the sunlight…

_Her golden hair flowed smoothly down her back, wildly tangled, like it had never been touched by human hands._

I took a step back as the vision of her blood flowing freely from her body washed over me.

Oh, god. I couldn't do this.

I'd blocked it out and I couldn't see Astrid for what she really was, but now I did.

"Oh, my god," I whispered, backing away.

She stepped over the threshold of the door. "Hiccup?"

"You're…you're…" I ran out of words. "You look just like her."

"Are you okay?"

I swallowed. "You look…just like her, how did I not…how did I not see it before? I was THERE!"

I stumbled backwards and my legs buckled underneath me and I fell on my rump and scooted backward, afraid.

Astrid knelt beside me. "Hiccup?"

"How could I not have seen?"

I buried my face in my knees, my shoulders gently shaking.

Astrid said, "Hiccup?" She sounded scared, but I hardly noticed.

I said quietly, "You. Look. Just. Like. Her."

She reached out to touch me.

"Don't. Just go."

She stared at me.

"Please, Astrid."

She turned and walked out.

On the last day of my suspension, Astrid sent me a text: _You ok?_

I deleted it.

I stayed shut up in my room for the whole of Friday, never even coming out to eat.

But the guilt got to me and I realized I should go see Toothless, if nothing else.

So, Saturday morning, I walked alone into the forest, to the clearing, and to the dragon that awaited me there.

When I got there, Toothless was asleep.

I scratched him behind the ears and he perked up and began rolling around like a puppy.

I grinned and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Missed you, too, bud."

He pulled away and stared imploringly at me.

I felt the grin slide off my face. "Yeah, sorry about that," I told him. "I should've checked on you on Friday, but…well…"

I hesitated.

Toothless stared me down.

I said brightly, "Want to go flying?" I'd tried. I'd honestly tried. But it had only been a few weeks. I wasn't ready to talk about it yet.

* * *

**A/N: Also, I know the part with Hiccup and Astrid was Twilight Zone. You'll find out about that later. VERY soon! :-)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Things heat up...!**

* * *

On Sunday, I went back to the church and told the kids some more stories that most of them swallowed.

"So, where's the dragon now?" whispered one boy.

"Still in the clearing," I whispered. "Waiting for his boy to show up again."

Yes, I used Toothless in my story again.

Astrid and Toothless kept making appearances in my stories, but after what happened on Friday, I'd never mentioned her again.

Speaking of Astrid, my phone buzzed with a text from her. _Hiccup, if you do not reply by three thirty, I'm coming over there._

With a sigh, I reluctantly sent back, _Astrid. Calm down. Don't come. I'm ok. See you tomorrow in school, ok?_

I shut my phone and walked to the forest.

* * *

When I got to school the next morning, the day went normally…almost. Until Snotlout called out to me across the schoolyard just as I was leaving, "So, why didn't you tell your friends you had a criminal record?"

Not anger, but fear washed over at me the words, 'criminal record'. I nearly started shouting right there. "It wasn't me!"

But I held my tongue. Shouting would give me away for sure.

Snotlout called, "Yeah, you murdered some chick back in New York. What happened, one murder not enough for you? Who was gonna be your next kill?"

Kids were starting to stare and, unlike last time, I prayed they'd look away. I turned and faced Snotlout. "What are you talking about?" It was all I could do to speak calmly.

Snotlout smirked. "You tried to outrun the authorities by coming here, eh? Who's next on your hit list?"

I was blown away. "That's not true," I said quietly. It came out sounding weak and timid.

Snotlout gave a nasty chuckle, "That explains why you look like you're about to hurl!"

I swallowed. My hands were shaking, but, if I did this right, I could blow suspicion right out of the water.

Snotlout glared at me, waiting for my response.

Astrid came up to me, easily parting the crowd. "Hey, Hiccup, I was beginning to get worried—

"Stay away, Astrid," Snotlout called dramatically. "For all you know, it could be you next."

Astrid just stared at him. "Okay, and the award for the biggest budding weirdo goes to..."

Snotlout grinned. "Astrid, Astrid, do you mean your precious boyfriend hasn't told you about the life he left behind?"

"Tell her, Hiccup."

There was a long silence as I hesitated. Kids all around were staring, clearly hoping for a good fight between Snotlout and me.

Didn't they know I wasn't about to hit him? I was just trying to find a way to fudge the truth a little, but if Snotlout knew, there really was no way around this.

Astrid was gonna have to find out someday.

I hesitated still.

"Or I can tell her, if you like," Snotlout added maliciously, clearly enjoying watching me stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I stared at the trees, their bare, leafless branches creaking in the wind. "Umm…"

Oh, great way to prove your innocence, Hiccup, I scolded myself sarcastically. Stutter at her. It always works.

"Uhmm." My throat was tight; how could I say those words, how could I destroy everything I had tried to build?

I swallowed and finally looked at Astrid, who's gaze I had been avoiding for the past five minutes. "Astrid…."

She had a look on her face strongly reminiscent of a question mark, clearly inviting me to go on. But didn't she know I couldn't? I was taking a pretty big leap by telling her this; but she deserved to know.

"Astrid, back where I used to live, I was suspected and accused of murder. So…" I turned more to the watching kids than her. "Now you all know. I'm done keeping secrets. I don't care if you guys think it was me or not. Believe whatever the hell you want to."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Everything is explained in this chapter! Hope I didn't lose too many readers! I'm working on finishing this, but "You've Got Mail" is REALLY popular so I want to finish that first.**

* * *

Whispers broke out as I walked away, but I heard Astrid calling me. "Hiccup! Hiccup!"

I didn't look back.

She caught up to me as I was turning to go into the forest.

Let her come if she wants, I thought. I was done keeping secrets.

There was a silence, a silence that begged me to break it, so I did. I spoke very softly, not looking at her, but not looking away, either. "She was my best friend."

"What?" she turned to me.

"You look just like her," I said quietly, tears building up in my eyes. "You even have bits of her personality, to an extent."

She stared at me still.

"She had blonde hair and blue eyes like you…"

My voice trembled noticeably but I composed myself as quickly as I could.

"He ran as the sirens got louder, but he was smart about it; he dropped the gun in my lap and I never even noticed until my hands closed around the trigger…" I closed my eyes as memories flooded over me.

"It was me," I said quietly. "He'd shot her in the stomach, his aim was off…I think he was drunk. And…my fingers closed around the trigger, I was trying to take care of her…But before I could…"

I stopped walking and stood, my hands curled into tense, tight little fists at my sides. "The bullet entered her skull."

"There was so much blood; that I remember most. It was shining and gleaming and so red…"

My voice broke and my shoulders began to shake. My entire, scrawny little body trembled as sobs burst forth, sobs borne of memories I'd buried so deep that my guilt-ridden heart had twisted it to make it so that he'd shot her.

But then it went still further, cutting off all memories of her. They had only come back when I looked at Astrid.

"The blood was just flowing over my hands and she was already dead, there was no way I could've done anything…"

I began crying harder and Astrid held out her arms.

Something inside me told me to fall into her arms, to release my tight hold on my walls and let my guard down, for once.

The part of me that knew I had never experienced love, from a parent or a girlfriend or a friend urged me to hug her now and cry in her arms.

And so I threw myself towards her and hugged her tightly, my shoulders shaking with sobs, eyes brimming with tears I had refused to shed for so long.

"Please, Astrid," I said quietly. "Lie to me and tell me it wasn't my fault."

"Hiccup!" She sounded angry now and she held me away from her, cupping a delicate white hand around my freckled cheek. "It was not your fault!"

"I was the one who pulled the trigger!" I said angrily. "It was murder!"

Tears started running down my cheeks again, but I swiped at them, irritated now. "It was all my fault, I murdered my best friend!"

The crushing realization came over me now: I'd murdered her.

I fell to the ground and buried my face in my hands, stifling a sob. "Astrid, it was my fault…"

"It wasn't," she said quietly, kneeling down next to me. "It wasn't, Hiccup. And you know what? It never was. You didn't kill her on purpose, Hiccup."

"But I still killed Camicazi…" I choked back another bout of tears. "I was…so…"

But what I was so, I could not think of, so I merely sat in the grass, eyes streaming, red and puffy.


	11. Chapter 11

I wish I could tell you after opening up, I had a sudden realization that it wasn't my fault and I skipped home happy, where Dad was in a merry mood and never hit me again, but that would be a lie.

It would be a lie, because I knew it was my fault, all my fault and I don't skip and Dad is always mad and he will never stop hitting me.

Anyway, I ended up asking Astrid to come into the forest with me and I showed her Toothless.

She gasped and nearly took a step behind me. "Oh, my god."

"He was here when I shot Camicazi," I said quietly, "he saw it all happen…and he flew away."

She stared at him.

I shrugged and said, "He's pretty trusting. He might let you touch him."

She reached out a hand and touched his snout very gently.

Toothless nudged her back playfully, but when she pulled away, I recaptured his attention.

Our eyes met, just like they had so many weeks ago, but both of our expressions had changed; mine had once been horrified and shocked and his had been calm yet accusing.

And now both of us looked like we had seen everything, all the hurt and war this world had ever seen.

I swallowed as Toothless allowed Astrid to stroke him some more.

I sat down beside Toothless and I gently rubbed his scaly black head.

Astrid turned to me and sat down beside me. "Out of all the people in this world," she said quietly, "it had to be you."

I looked at her. "Huh?"

"Out of all the people in this world it had to be you who found a dragon."

I nodded slowly.

* * *

I walked Astrid home and went home myself.

Dad was waiting for me there.

"Hiccup, what happened at school today?"

"Well, let's think," I replied. "I went to homeroom, then English, then algebra—

"Be serious!" Dad growled, standing up and shaking my small frame by my skinny shoulders. "_What happened_?"

"Nothing!" I told him, taking a step back, wrenching myself free from his grasp.

"Hiccup, in a town of three hundred people, news travels fast. Did a boy at school reveal your criminal record or did he not?"

"You know what?" I said quietly. "I'm done, Dad."

There was a silence.

"Done?" he spat. "What do you mean—

"I mean, I'm just DONE!" I yelled at him, then turned to run outside.

I ran until I reached the street, then hesitated at the edge of our yard.

Dad stared out the window at me, palms pressed flat against the glass, eyes wide in shock and horror. I saw him mouth the words, "Get back here."

I shook my head. Not this time.

I would come back. It wasn't like I was planning to run away.

I just wasn't going back yet.

* * *

After a ride on Toothless, I was calm enough to go back.

All things considered, I knew it wasn't the best time to reveal to my dad that I have somehow found and befriended a dragon, so I kept quiet about that part.

Toothless watched me walk away.

I stopped as I reached the edge of the cove, turning to stare into his eyes. "Toothless…"

Toothless pressed his nose into my hand.

I bent down and hugged him. "Wish me luck, bud," I whispered. "I'm gonna tell him the truth."

I was planning on telling Dad the truth of what happened in that alley.

After shedding a few tears in front of Toothless and Astrid, I wasn't sure if I was ready to go through the ordeal again, but I was going to anyway.

It wasn't a question of me being _ready._

It was a question of the truth being told, finally.

What was going to happen after this?

I honestly didn't know. And more to the point, I didn't care.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Hi, there, fellas! Thanks for reading my story, even after my l-o-n-g absence! Please R and R! :-) It would mean the world to me! I'm REALLY SORRY about not getting back to writing this one sooner, but I started a new Ice Age fanfiction *cough* It's quite good, if I do say so myself *cough* go read it, it's called 'I've Been Broken.' *cough* not that I'm taking advantage of my loyal readers or anything *cough* how awful would that be? *cough* LOL. Anyway...just read. This is most likely going to be the end.**

* * *

I stopped speaking and dropped my head, studying my black sneakers instead of my father.

There was a long silence as I waited for him to reply.

When I found the courage to lift my head, I saw him staring at me, stroking his beard, conflicting emotions playing out on his face.

First disbelief, then anger, then surprise, then, finally, he drew back and said quietly, "Hiccup…"

I waited.

"I had no idea you were keeping this all inside."

My eyes burned with tears. The realization kept crashing down on me as I'd recounted the story: _my best friend was dead. My best friend was dead because of me. I killed my best friend. It was all my fault._

I swallowed and tried to speak, but found my throat was closing up, so I just shook my head and stayed silent.

Dad stood from the couch and took a breath. "I'm sorry."

My green eyes widened in shock. Had I just heard Dad apologize?

It was not the need to cry anymore, but instead shock that robbed me temporarily of speech.

Maybe you think that's an overreaction, but let's be honest, here: I have never once heard my dad apologize. Ever. And I knew he wasn't saying he was sorry I had to go through that.

He was telling me he was sorry he hadn't believed me.

Of course it HAD been me, it really had been.

But at least the truth of the matter was out now and Dad knew it.

At least Astrid knew it.

And Toothless had always known it.

His calm green gaze, so accusing that terrible night, had now turned soft.

He understood now I was not a cold-blooded killer, but just a boy so wracked with grief I had not even realized what I was doing until it was too late…and I had pulled the trigger…and the bullet entered her skull…and blood was everywhere…her blonde hair was a mess of red…

I swallowed back the bile that was rising in my throat and said, "Thanks, Dad."

_I'm so sorry, Camicazi. Please forgive me._

Her life had been so short she had barely lived.

I stayed seated on the sofa, thinking it all over.

"Hiccup? You know that, right?"

"H-huh?" I snapped out of it.

"You know it wasn't your fault, right?"

I swallowed. "But it _was."_

It _was _my fault. I had murdered my best friend, who walked with me on my way home from my job at the grocery store that night on the streets of New York City.

She had been the only person in the world who had not bullied me at that school in New York, and I had hurt – killed – her.

How could I have done that to her, my best and only friend for the longest time?

Dad said quietly, "Oh, Hiccup…"

"So, what happens now?" I said quietly, never tearing my gaze off my sneakers. "What am I supposed to do, Dad? What am I supposed to do?"

No answer came.

Because neither of us knows.

Maybe we'll never know.

There are no road signs telling me which direction to take. I have to pick that for myself. And I will.

I will do just that.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to my loyal readers and reviewers! (And followers and favorite-ers. That's not even a word, LOL. Anyway, thanks to everyone who read this story and if you're one of the people who reads all my stories, I guess I will see you as I work on another HTTYD story :-) Farewell!**


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